I’m suddenly feeling like I’m in a chapter of my life that I’m not ready for and I’m unsettled. It feels weird to write about this but perhaps by writing about it I can gain some insight and peace.
Here’s the thing: I’m getting older which means my parents are getting older, which means I’ll be in a time of my life where my parents won’t be here.
I don’t think I would’ve have paid so much attention to this except that in the past few months, my good friend’s dad’s health started deteriorating to the point where he might pass sooner than later. Then, my step-dad became ill, and long story short, I don’t know if he’ll ever be back the way he was before falling ill, and I don’t know how long I have with him. Even if it’s 5 years or 10 years, he’s changed. Then, my old best childhood friend’s dad suddenly died last month. Just gone. My new good friend’s dad is having difficulties with his heart.
It seems like it’s all around me, and this is the course of life. I get it, but I don’t like it. I know, duh, cuz who would like that? But, seriously, no one told me about this. No one prepared me for it. It’s like I am supposed to expect it because parents get older as you get older, and one day they pass. But, I feel unprepared.
I know our parents won’t be here forever, and the thought that I could live the whole second half of my life without my parents is hard for me to imagine because my existence is with them as such a huge part of my life. I’m not religious anymore so heaven, or anything like it, isn’t a help.
I do think about how lucky I am to still have parents alive, and I am making sure to spend more time with them, creating memories to hopefully last my lifetime. I’m also thinking waaaaaaay ahead to the time my daughter is in my shoes that I’m in right now. I want to be with her for as long as I can, so I eat as healthy as I know how, I meditate, and I exercise and move my body.
That’s all. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Dear, Mom, Dad, step-dad (#2) Sam, and step-dad (#3) Lynn.
I’ll miss you all so much when you’re gone. I love you.
PS Please take extra care of yourselves so I can have as much time with you as possible.
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