Today is my first day going without coffee in a long time.
God, I hope I can do it this time. I’ve tried half-heartedly over the years when inspiration would hit that it might not be the best thing to drink every day.
I’d read a study saying coffee was healthy, and I’d load up on it. Then, I’d read one that said it could have toxins in it, mold, and just generally nasty things. Following, I’d get the urge to get off it.
Then, I’d say, “fuck it” because I love coffee so much in all the different ways you can drink it. I’d drink it. Then, I’d rethink it and I’d scale back a bit. Then, I’d go back to loving it because it seemed too much of a loved ritual to give it up. Then, again, I’d feel stressed drinking it and give it up. Fuck, I’m a mess.
I was a wreck over coffee.
I knew I was addicted to it. It’s a drug after all. Still, I could talk myself into drinking it or not, at any moment. Back and forth.
Deep down though, my intuition told me too many times to cut caffeine out of my life.
Years ago I gave up caffeine and it was great. I told others how they, too, could give up caffeine.
Then, I slowly added it back to my life. Sometimes regular coffee, sometimes not. I’d drink half-caffeine, fully leaded, and sometimes drink decaf all day long. The point is that I kept drinking it.
Today, I decided to stop cold-turkey.