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Kristen Helmstetter

(Brisa Starr)

self-love

The “Is This Useful?” Trick

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Defuse stress in an instant.

One trick for dealing with a stressful situation is to ask the simple question: “Is this useful?” (or in my world, “Is this f*cking useful?”)

If I break something … or if something doesn’t go my way, let’s say there’s a long line in the airport or maybe I might miss my flight… that would be stressful right?

Sure, for many people. But I have a default question I ask which calms my ass down in an instant — “Is this useful?”

Is it useful for my health to worry about XYZ?

Is it useful for me to get my undies in a bunch about XYZ?

Is it useful for my brain to stress about XYZ?

Is this useful?

PROBABLY NOT!

So there! Try it. You pissed about something? Stressed about something? Just ask yourself how stressing about it is helping. “Is this useful???”

Let’s dive a bit deeper. If this question doesn’t resonate with you, I have another awesome question to share… Another question to ask in shitty situations is… “Will this matter in six months?”

Chew on that bad boy.

Imagine all those earlier scenarios I presented. Let’s take the airplane one… Let’s say you might miss your trans-atlantic flight, and you’re running like a bat outta hell to the gate. You’re freaking out, right?

And, let’s say you get to the gate, heart pumping, and you just missed the boarding! Aghhh!!! No fucking way!!!!! Right?

Wrong.

What if you ask yourself in this seemingly awful situation, “Will this moment matter in six months?”

PROBABLY NOT!

So why should it wreck you now?

Think about it.

These two questions… they work with so many stressful situations. Someone piss you off? Ask one of the questions. Did you break something? Ask one of the questions.

That’s all for today! Stay safe and healthy. :)

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When the Manifestation Ride Gets Stressful

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Manifestation Rule: Part Intent, Part Surrender

The balance between intent and surrender when dancing with the Universe

I’ve mentioned how self-love and manifesting meditations with Dr. Joe have re-wired my brain. They’ve given me an EPIC new life. I’ve never had the happiness I get on an everyday basis, like I have the past year and a half.

Manifesting My Writing Abilities

I manifest like crazy, and one of the things I manifested was the ability to write romance novels.

I couldn’t tell stories for sh*t a year ago, or so that’s what I told my mind. It believed me, too.

Sad. :(

Thankfully, I changed that. I changed my self-talk and convinced my brain that I’m an amazing fiction writer with tons of stories to tell. Here I am having finished my 3rd steamy romance novel in only ten weeks!

But here’s the thing…

After I published the first steamy romance novel, Lockdown Love, I slowly slipped into high-beta analysis once we hit the PUBLISH button on Amazon.

The anxiety creeped in like molasses. (Thankfully. Because that means at some level I was resisting it.)

So anyway, my rock-star attitude thought I knew better than to let those jitters grapple with my peace — BUT WHOOPS — it happened. Just this week.

I let my mind over-analyze stats and downloads and sales… wondering how many people were reading the book and downloading it. And, liking it? WHAT’S MY ABSR!?!?!

The point came where I was sitting on the edge of my seat, and it wasn’t because I was watching Interstellar or Top Chef.

My survival energy center — the root chakra — twisted with discomfort.

In the past I would’ve slipped into that darkness and stayed there for days, weeks, maybe years. This time, it wasn’t as overwhelming and I had my whits about me to nip that bud.

These were signs to get my shit together.

So… What was I doing wrong?

I manifested… accomplished part of what I’d wanted. But it was only part of the process.

I stomped my way into the Universe’s kitchen and tried to tell the chef how to make my “food.”

You don’t do that. (Universe chuckling)

It made me think about a lesson from Dr. Joe … balancing your intent with your surrender. Ah, yes.

A calm breeze entered my overheated mind.

Here’s what I had done. I’d put out the intent — the manifestation I wanted — which was writing stories and to be successful with sales. I’m after being a Happy Sexy MILLIONAIRE after all.

And I wrote the book(s)! BAM! CHECK! DONE! And still creating more!

(Funny, when I started my HSM manifestations, I never in a million years dreamt that my life would include publishing fiction, novels, but that’s how the Universe works. You can’t always know the how. You can’t storm your way into the kitchen and tell the chef how to prepare the meal.)

But I tried to push and force my way into the kitchen last week.

Thankfully, my consistent Dr. Joe and Self-Love work did what they were designed to do… Punch me in the face when I get off track.

And this brings me to today’s post. Manifesting and dreaming and planning are all good — when done in the right frame of mind, which comes with surrendering those things back to the Universe (for me), maybe it’s God for you.

I gleefully wrote my book with ease. But then I tried to control the sales of it, and in doing so I became overly analytical, wrapping myself in a scratchy wool blanket of high-beta brain waves. And it threatened to kill my precious creativity. And the peace. And, of course, the fun!

So I stopped. That. Shit.

I knew better.

I do not help my creative process for writing more books if I am stressed. The brain doesn’t work like that.

I do not attract the positive things I want if I cast too many glances at negative energy. The Universe doesn’t work like that.

I went back to my law of attraction manifesting meditations and FELT excitement and awe and love surrounding my books and their sales. I went back to Mirror Magic and donned my cape of self-love.

And, well, everything calmed down.

My root chakra danced instead of fought.

The Manifesting Recipe

Don’t swim against the tide… you don’t need to. Don’t invite survival emotions into the arena unless you just as quickly show them the door. You know the survival emotions I’m talking about: The ones that make you look 137 years instead of 41, the ones that make you have to pee but you hold it because you’re too busy… the ones that turn your brain to useless mush.

A key component to the manifesting recipe is equal parts intent and surrender. Think about your dreams, meditate about them, create them and feeeeeeeeel them in your mind. Take actions to move in that direction, but then also surrender the fuck out of them.

Let go and relax.

Let your mind recline.

Trust the things you want, that you’re destined for, are coming. But maintain those ever-important, uplifted and beautifully elevated emotions (love, awe, gratitude, excitement, generosity, joy, bliss, peace).

Otherwise, your manifestations will take a hell of a lot longer to arrive, like Amazon deliveries during a pandemic.

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Lockdown Love – My 1st Novel Is on Amazon!

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My 1st ROMANCE NOVEL!

Thank you to everyone for their support!

It’s official – Lockdown Love, my first STEAMY ROMANCE novel, is available on Amazon. It’s in Kindle Unlimited too, and there’s a FREE promo for five days if you’re not in Kindle Unlimited. (The print version should be available today or tomorrow for $10.99.)

I don’t have to tell my readers what a big deal this is to me.

I remember almost ten years ago, we were having dinner with another couple and the wife of our friend casually mentioned that she’d written a novel once. (She didn’t publish it.)

I was blown away.

I screeched, “How did you write a friggin’ novel? WOW! There’s, like, dialog!”

I was in awe she could do such a thing.

I never forgot that dinner, all these years later, still feeling the same way about her and thinking I could never do such a thing.

I was wrong.

We all have stories to tell.

It starts in your own pretty little head. You start thinking that maybe “YOU” could write a story. That’s what I did. I planted a seed.

Then, I ramped up my self-talk and told myself every single day, multiple times a day, that I could write fiction – EASILY! I talked to myself like it ain’t no thang!

And, you awesome readers know the rest. A story surfaced. I read the book No Plot No Problem and I realized that, “Hellz yeah, I can do this!”

I made my dream a reality. All because I changed the way I thought about myself and my abilities.

I still run my self-talk through my head multiple times a day. I have my Writer’s Self-Talk note card standing right on my desk.

Want to Read My 1st Book?

If you like romance, and you like it with a hefty side of steamy sexy love, then please download my first novel, Lockdown Love. If you like it, PLEASE WRITE A REVIEW. :)

Remember! YOU can help me launch my romance writing career!

As an independent author, reviews are one of the most important thingswe can get to help our books get out in front of other people. So, if you download it, and read it, please leave a review even if it’s only only a short one.

Want to join my ARC Group?

And, for my future books, I’m looking for Advanced Readers. Please message me on Twitter or any of my Instagram accounts (or email me) and I’ll add you to my team of ARC (advanced review copy) readers. 

Have an awesome day!


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Going Back to Italy, Writing Novels, Happy Sexy Millionaire

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Hello & Ciao, my friends.

I thought I would write a quick update on what’s going on in my life.

Writing Novels!

As you know I attempted my first novel in April and I finished it. I also started a second novel and finished it. And I am now starting my third.

I have found a true passion. As I mentioned before, in this piece, I never thought I could be a fiction writer. But I completely change my mindset and filled my head with the right affirmations and self-talk, and here I am banging out novels.

And, I absolutely love it. There isn’t anything I’d rather be doing. And I don’t just mean for work. Every chance I get, I want to sit at my computer and write, or walk and dictate. That’s what I’m doing with pretty much all of my time the past couple months. :)

I think my first romance novel will be available in the next couple days! My novels will be written under a pseudo name, and the cover for the first book will be ready to show you, maybe later today! Stay tuned.

ALSO! When I release my books, I will make them free for five days in the Kindle store so that all of my readers can get them.

Happy Sexy Millionaire Formula

Of course I still follow my Happy Sexy Millionaire formula! There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t do my Morning Mirror Magic or my Manifesting Meditations! Those are the first things I do every morning BEFORE I sit down to write.

They give me confidence, calm, and inspiration. Plus it makes me happy!

What about getting backed Italy?

Before we came back to America for a visit in February, we signed a long-term lease on an apartment in one of our favorite spots in Italy.

As you know, we have been staying in Arizona until travel becomes safe and we can get back to Italy. As of now, although we’re still watching it on a weekly basis, there is a good chance we can return in June. Italy lifted its lockdown last week. My goal is to wait and see how those first couple weeks in June go and if all goes well, we will go back to our home there.

Stay healthy and happy!

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Today’s Tip for a Great Day: The Game I Love…

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Here’s today’s tip for having one of your best days ever.

It’s the game I love. Now, the name of the game is I Love and it also happens to be a game that I love.

Here’s how you play:

You’re going to spend your day constantly thinking about the things you love.

To remind yourself of this, get 10 pieces of paper.

They can be Post-it notes or scrap paper with tape. And on the 10 pieces of paper you write I love….

Now, take these and put them in random places around your home.

I have one in the kitchen by the sink because I spend time there.

I have one by my glass of water where I take my vitamins.

I have one on the table and my laptop covers it, so when I pick up my laptop and move it, I see it.

I have one on the mirror.

I have one on my yoga mat.

I have one on the door so when I leave the house I see it.

The goal is not to only think about things you love when you see these notes, but they are to serve as reminders that for the entire day you want the running dialog in your brain to be I love and then you pick something.

This fills your day with love and appreciation. But in a more playful way.

I love coffee.
I love oranges.
I love steak.
I love the sunshine.
I love my toes.
I love my bed.
I love this chair.
I love my laptop.
I love my mom.
I love my husband.
I love trees.
I love birds.
I love the smell of roses, lavender, jasmine, and vanilla.
I love my daughter.
I love fly swatter’s.
I love blue sky.
I love smooth pavement.
I love swimming.
I love boots when it’s cold out.
I love air-conditioning.
I love my legs.

You get the point, and that is to constantly think about things you love all day long. Simple yes, and I guarantee it’ll boost your mood. :)

Here is the next important step.

At the end of the day go around the house and pick up your notes, and put them in a Ziploc bag to store for another day.

By making this a purposeful activity with the notes that you do maybe once a week or every couple weeks, or heck, once a month… maybe it’s the first day of every month, it adds mega juice and sparkle to your day.

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A Writer’s Life: 1st Draft DONE & My New Talisman

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My baby. My talisman.

Mission. Fucking. Accomplished.

I set the goal to write the first draft of my first novel, 50,000 words, in the 30 days of April. Yesterday, I finished. I ended up at over 60,000 words. Over a week ahead of schedule.

Anti-Climactic?

I was doing cartwheels in my mind when I typed “The End.” But there’s also a part of me that knew this day would come, with absolute certainty. Because I told myself it would, and I believed it. So when the day arrived, it was more like I’d just done the work, as opposed to accomplishing something that I might have failed at.

Self-Talk Power

My self-talk powered every day of my writing!

I woke up excited every morning and ready to dive into my story, kicking ass, smoke coming out of my keyboard. And let me clear… it’s not like I have a background in writing fiction. Far from it. I used to think I didn’t have any stories in me. Heck, I always pushed Kamea’s bedtime stories onto Greg.

Coffee Power (in a special cup though…)

I will say that I also powered my writing project with coffee.

LOTS of coffee.

And my coffee was in my special good luck mug. My new talisman.

Truthfully, I like coffee so much that I can drink it pretty much in any style (even the instant sh*t), in any drinking vessel, in any temperature (including coffee that’s been sitting there for hours). Because, to me, any coffee is better than no coffee.

But also, I know how epic coffee can be when done right.

The right beans… the perfect grind… the accurate water temperature.

And? The right fucking cup.

A good cup can make the difference between good coffee and EPIC coffee.

With my new mission to write a book in a month, I really wanted to treat myself to something wonderful. I knew that having the perfect cup filled with coffee and tea all day would make me smile with each sip as the caffeine fueled my words and flow.

The Perfect Cup

After quite a search, I finally found the perfect cup. Like I said earlier, it’s my talisman. For writing.

You see, coffee drunk from fine bone china has the best flavor. The thickness of the rim (or more specifically, the perfect thinness), the fine china itself… these things allow for the best flavor on your taste buds and aroma in your nose.

But when I went on a hunt for a coffee cup made from fine bone china, I wasn’t sure I’d find anything. Most of them are teacups. Small handles and small capacity.

But one day during my search, the the dark clouds parted, angels sang down, and I found the most glorious cup.

The perfect cup.

Where? Amazon, of course.

Why was it perfect? For starters, it was fine bone china. From England. Second, it was BIG! Like 16 ounces big! Third, the handle was proportionately larger as well. I dislike those dinky handles that make it hard to hold the cup.

Last, and definitely not least, it was both beautiful and super cute. Sophisticated and playful. Instead of the typical flowers or hummingbirds, my future bad-ass talisman had books on it. Yes. Books. Perfect for inspiring my writing.

Not so fast though.

It all looked good on paper (well, on screen). But I wanted to dig deeper before dropping $40. Like, was this quality china? Is it legit and from England? I scoured the reviews and details. Everything checked out. My heart started going pitter-patter.

Could this be it? Would this be it?

$40-some bucks though. Hmmm.

One last check — I jump to the company’s website. At first glance, I’m feeling good. Looks profesh and all that. The cups are indeed fine bone china from England.

I type “books” in the search bar, looking for that specific cup.

There she was.

Looking purrrtty as ever. I’m pretty sure I even heard her whisper my name.

And then I saw the description, and it was all it took to make me pull the trigger no matter the price. It described it as a cup for “the aspiring author.”

Done.

I went back to Amazon, and bought that beauty.

Though, I did a little something extra special. I added a gift receipt.

To my self.

And here I am, sipping my coffee, doing my daily coffee self-talk with her, and writing novels.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. BOOYAH!

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