self love warrior

Fear… how many of you let it rule your lives?

How many decisions do you make based on fear?

Do you choose to eat a certain way because you’re afraid of getting certain diseases if you don’t?

Do you choose to take certain paths because you’re afraid of other potential consequences? I know I used to as a serial-dieter.

Do you use certain beauty products or vitamin supplements out of fear? (I’m raising a hand here on this one, too.) Fear can be sneaky like that… making us feel like we have to over-protect ourselves for fear of future diseases, aging, etc.

Or, do you regularly live with the fear-passenger always riding shotgun in your life? Always worrying that bad things could happen, like losing a job, not having enough money, or getting sick?

Or how about this one… When you realize how harmful fear can be for your health, and then THAT becomes its own fear! FUUUUUUUUUCK!

Did you know that fear kills your creativity? And that it prevents you from finding solutions to challenges? Did you know fear diminishes your immune system? (Coronavirus, anyone?)

Basically? Fear sucks.

I Have Good News!

It’s time to change all that. It’s time to start learning how to live without fear because fear is just not-fucking-fun.

Shake the Shackles of Fear

Or as I like to say, here’s how I kick fear’s ass to the curb.

Step 1: Take Time for Tea with Fear

The first thing you do is recognize that fear is only trying to protect you. It wants to help. It masquerades as your BFF. If you think about it, it’s kind of sweet, huh? Fear actually means well.

But fear doesn’t realize that it’s not helping us in 99% of the cases! And, unfortunately, feeling the emotion of fear harms us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It disconnects us from people, creativity, the Source, and solutions.

So, we don’t want or need most fear in our lives. (The exception is actual physical threats. If there’s a tiger chasing you… that’s a pretty legit fear.)

The realization that fear is trying to help us (so cute), and the realization that we don’t require its assistance (so powerful), puts us in the driver’s seat.

So, the next time you feel a little bit of fear creeping up your spine, just think about how it’s only trying to help you and that you don’t need it. Kindly invite it for a cup of tea where you’ll then thank it for trying to help and letting it know it’s not helping. Then, let it go.

Remember, fear is only trying to keep you safe, but waaaaaay too often it’s blown waaaaay out of proportion, especially when it teams up with our ego(!).

We just don’t need fear like fear thinks we need it.

Extra Credit: I want you to do one other little thing.

I want you to say a little mantra every time fear tries to help you out:

“I release all fears. Thanks for stopping by fear, but I got this. I’m surrounded by love and all is fine. I’m going to figure it out. Meanwhile, I’m going to just love right now. I release all fears. Now.”

And then, one more tiny thing.

OK, this next part is a little corny but it works so just do it… after you say your mantra from above, I want you to say, “POOF!” Adding funny little sound effects makes it more effective because your brain pays more attention. (Trust me on this.)

Step 2: Swap Fear for Love

Stay with me here, because I know this step will seem too simple to work.

But, it’s the most important lesson today. With a simple shift in perception, fear disappears.

One way to instantly put fear in its place is with love.

Yes, love.

It sounds simple, and that’s because you’re right — it is a simple concept (and a simple practice.) Once you get the hang of it, everything changes, confidence blooms, and excitement begins, because you’ll start doing new things in your life you’d only been too scared to do before now.

Here’s the secret… When love is in your mind, fear has no room to hang out — not even on the sidelines or the nosebleed section.

When you think about love in any form, you CANNOT experience fear at the same time. Whaaat? What devilry is this? Something so shitty and gripping can be instantly released when pondering something lovely? For realz?

YES. Try it.

It could be thinking about something you love… dark chocolate? Ribeye steak? Your dog? The Beach? Your upcoming vacation. Your husband. Your daughter. Your mother. Roller coasters? Toast? Anything. Anything you love.

A One-Way Road

When you think about something you love, you can’t think about scary things or things you fear. It’s a one-way road to freedom when it’s paved with love. Silly ol’ fear can’t squeeze its way in because love encompasses all of your mind — the entire terrain.

Try it out so we can quickly demonstrate how ridiculously awesome this really is:

Fear thought: OMG coronavirus is spreading, contagious, it’s everywhere. What if I get sick? PEOPLE ARE DYING! What if my shitty healthcare makes me go bankrupt? What if I lose my house? What if I can’t afford to pay my bills? Is that a tickle in my throat? OMGGGGG I might be getting sick! Shit Shit Shit.

NOW: Replace Thoughts. CHANGE Thoughts.

Love thought: I love coffee, it tastes so good and makes me perky. That tree outside is really pretty, and look at those leaves. Gosh, nature is awesome. I have an exciting future ahead of me. Oh, my husband is so handsome and kind. I love date night with him. Kindness is all around me. Steak is delicious, it’s my favorite food. I sure am grateful for a lot of things in my life, I think I’ll list them right now.

See? As I simply replace spiraling-shitty thoughts of fear with anything loving, lovely, uplifted, I just plum don’t think of the fear stuff. For better or for worse, our minds are one-track. So choose the love track more often and you’ll like your life a lot more.

All you need to do is think about love. Love, sweet love.

Think about the love you have for another person or any thing that lights your ass up with love. The fear slithers away in an instant.

Yes, the fear could come back once you stop the love train. All you do is strengthen your love muscle by doing another love thought rep. Like lifting weights in the gym, a love thought rep boosts your love-thinking strength. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

The stronger my love is, the weaker the fear is.

Pro-tip: Do you see what I did with that line above? I used the word “my” in front of love and I used the word “the” in front of fear. It’s another little trick I play. I own the uplifting words and emotions as mine, but anything limited, I don’t connect as my own so I refer to it as “the.”

This is an empowering way to use self-talk and Jedi-mind-trick yourself.

Love Works for Fears Big or Small

Example: Going to the Dentist

My mom went to the dentist last week. The night before going she said, “I hate going to the dentist.”

I shrieked, “That’s an affirmation, Mom!”

I added, “OK, this will sound weird, Mom, but I want you to totally reverse that. Start saying, ‘I love going to the dentist.’”

She looked at me like I had two heads.

I said, “Just do it. Say it. It might feel insincere at first, but keep repeating it every time you think about your upcoming visit.”

She humored me with a mocking tone, “Oh I love going to the dentist.”

I didn’t mind she was mocking, because that’s still helpful even if she didn’t realize it at the time.

Well, I’ll be damned, her feeling toward the impending visit actually turned a bit, enough that it wasn’t stressing her out anymore. All because of changing her word to love.

Keep crowding out the fear.

Constantly thinking and feeling love weakens fear so much that the firing and wiring in your brain for fear dissolves.

It doesn’t mean that it won’t stand up for you in a really important situation. Heck, a tiger might actually appear, I suppose. Or a pink polar bear!

That kind of fear will never totally abandon you and that’s good. But the other fear – 99% of all the other things that mentally paralyze you, make you stressed, give you anxiety and cloud your day, that inhibit you, that prevent you from living your best life… all of that fear goes away.

It makes so much sense when you see that there’s only room for one kind of thought or feeling in your mind. It’s either an emotion of survival, like fear, or one of magnificent uplifted energy, like love.

And, how cool, we get to choose — no matter the circumstances!

Wow, we’re that powerful. Yes, we are. We all are.

It’s the Ol’ Switcharoo, the Smoke-n-Mirrors Act, The Clapper.

You simply immediately think and feel something of love, and it’ll help you feel better. It really does. Switch out the fear with love — the ol’ switcharoo.

Or imagine it’s like The Clapper (that gadget they used to advertise on TV for turning your lights on and off with a clap of your hands). You just think a thought of love and clap your hands. Fear is replaced with love. Seriously, physically clap your hands when you switch the fear thought to one of love. The clapping WILL make it more effective.

Then, celebrate your resilience and comeback rate every time you swap the fear for love. It’s a win every damn time. Hoop and holla your efforts.

Yeah, But What About Really Big Fears?

I understand there are some big fears out there. For example, feeling fear because of having a sick child or finance issues.

I have a question though. I ask, does the fear actually help your situation? Like, really?! How’s that working for ya? Does feeling fear make you or the child feel better? Nooooooooooo.

That’s how you know when fear is legit. Tiger chasing you? — Fear DOES make you run faster. Sick child? Fear DOESN’T make your child well. See the difference?

You know what would make you and the child feel better? Love. Love, sweet love starts the healing process right then and there, because love heals both you and your child. So, even in this instance, fear does not help. Replace it with love.

How about fear about finances? Does that help your finances when you have fear? Nope, it only risks making matters worse.

You see, when you have fear, your brain compartmentalizes, and as a result, the different regions don’t communicate well with each other.

Why is this bad?

The problem with compartmentalizing your brain is that your creativity and problem-solving abilities fly out the window. Fear makes you more like a deer in headlights instead of an explorer on an adventure digging for treasure. It’s hard to solve financial problems when fear clouds your creativity.

On the other hand, when the fear is gone, you find more solutions to problems, including your financial challenges. And? You’ll feel better in the process, too, because love is always more fun than fear.

In our modern, mostly tigerless world, fear is almost useless. Again, it’s good when you’re in physical danger. But that’s about it. How many times does this happen? Never? Almost never? Yet people let fear run their lives.

I used to freak out whenever my daughter got sick, or if I spent too much money. Thinking back on it, I see how my freaking out never ever helped the situation. It only made me feel like shit.

Now, when fear knocks on the door (you see, it has to knock on the door of my life now, because it doesn’t just barge in anymore), I say “Thanks, dude, but did you see the sign? No soliciting. I’m all set here because I’m filled up with love.”

I know, it sounds silly, but it’s really not. Thinking of fear in this way helps you see it differently. You want to belittle fear in your mind, make fun of it. Make it your bitch. Like imagining your asshole boss running down the street naked with a bunch of clowns chasing him/her… once you visualize that, you’ve forever robbed them of their ability to intimidate you. They become a joke to you.

Same thing with fear. Fear is a joke. Laugh at it, and it loses its power.

After laughing at fear this way for a while, love becomes your default habit. When that happens, we start to manifest our Happy Sexy Millionaire lives faster!

Move, but don’t move the way fear makes you move.

Rumi

If you feel fear, remind yourself that this means you’re not loving or trusting yourself or life in that moment. Recognize it and embrace your self-awareness in time to swap the fear for love. It works every time.

When we let love flood our veins, we find answers.

Always keep in the front of your mind that you love you, life loves you, and you are full of love. It’s there, waiting to be remembered and especially so in the moments when fear tries to drive the car. Don’t let it. Immediately think, “I love and trust all is fine.” And, you know what? It will be.

Sometimes it takes saying this ten times, for the same issue, before it clicks. Or maybe it’s once every 30 seconds for a few minutes. But eventually, the fear will slink into the back seat. It might even disappear altogether. Like I tell my daughter any time she gripes about wanting to be better at something, practice practice practice!

That’s when life gets extra bright and shiny. Darkness fades away. Taking command over your fear helps us live epic lives and teaches our children not to let fear rule their lives either.

Love rocks.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering.”

Yoda

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